I watched Interstellar….

…and it sucked sour frog butt.

How in the world did Nolan get away with all the glowing reviews and fan praise? It’s possible that the adoring public was either so hyped up by the marketing and expectations, or that we’ve just become a lot of more thick-headed in recent years.

While Matthew McConaughey’s performance was pretty spot on, everything else – cast, plot, dialogue, action, science – seemed half-hearted, contrived, and insults my (rather average, ask my wife) intelligence.

With the drought here in California drying out our land faster than HOA can truck it in for its lawns, there’s been lot of talk about our farmland and viable irrigation options. The premise of Interstellar centers around something quite similar, except one of a global scale. In this world, fuel is still available, but usable water is scarce (the oceans are still there per the launch and orbit scenes). The massive program and resources used to send folks through a wormhole created by future humans (why couldn’t it be closer than Saturn?) to look for a Goldilocks system (which none of the prospective planets visited by our heroes were located in) could’ve been used to design, create, and manufacture efficient desalination facilities a la what Israel is doing in the present day. If we were that desperate, humanity would’ve gone to great lengths to harness wind-, wave-, geothermic, whatever-way of water production.

And that’s just the premise.

The black hole ending was a mess, even if I suspended disbelief: why didn’t future us place the tesseract outside of the black hole when they knew Cooper would use it to save humanity? How did does an ejection seat activated at the average 300km/h operate, let alone survive in accelerating light within event horizon? That’s also without asking why the ship, TARS, and Cooper weren’t pulled apart like spaghetti by the forces at the mouth of the accretion disk in the first place.

By the time the credits rolled, all I could think of was how similar the movie was to 2001: Space Odyssey and The Abyss, except that the latter flicks were way less cheesy and forced. I’m not a Nolan-hater, but Interstellar left me very disappointed.

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