The Best Inflight Safety Instruction. Ever.

This is a repost from my Facebook entry over the weekend. IMHO, it’s too good of an experience to NOT share it with you.

Hands down the best inflight safety instruction goes to Southwest flight 1259 from GSP to Chicago Midway. Here is an excerpt from the instructions:

Ladies and gentlemen, did anyone lose a black wallet? It looks like this. (Everyone looks up, and the attendants are holding up their demo seat belt buckles.) Now that we’ve got your attention, please be sure to fasten your seat belts at all times, even if seat belt light is on, because you never know if the pilot tries something new today.

If you don’t like my jokes, there are six exits throughout this cabin.

In the event of a water landing, put on your life vests like so… you can find them under your seats along with who-knows-what-else. Ladies, ditch your four thousand dollar handbags, follow the disco lights along the ceiling and sha-shay your way down the runway and through the nearest exit. From there, paddle paddle swim swim to shore and we, the Southwest crew, will be right behind you with the liquor.

In the unlikely event we lose cabin pressure (we wouldn’t have shown up for work today anyway), these oxygen masks will drop down in front of you. For those traveling with children… I’m so sorry.

Anyway, if we lose cabin pressure, parents should put their masks on first, then help the child with the most potential next. Thank you.

(Everybody applauses)

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